SEALing best Practice: Engaging parents and the community in supporting a new direction

Posted by Paul Dix on 21 May 2012 | 0 Comments

First published in Teach Primary Magazine

I didn't have any concept of age or authority. I remember realising, Oh, the world has rules and we don't.
Moon Unit Zappa (Daughter of Frank Zappa)

Parents are like their children. Some are enthusiastic, committed and passionate about education. Some would rather not engage with school. They prefer to hide and throw insults over the barricades. Rather like their children! Engaging willing parents is not the challenge. Engaging and communicating with those who have good reason to disengage with education and authority is so much harder and much less attractive.

The old metaphor of the child as a three legged stool supported by school, home and community is still relevant today. The child is supported by the school, the community of adults around them and by the parents. Take a leg away and the child starts to wobble. Work out how to communicate effectively with and engage reluctant parents and you can give stability back to the wobbliest of children.

Parents who don't engage in their child's education do so for a reason. They have made a conscious decision to separate school and home. There are many reasons why this happens: the parents own negative experience of school, not knowing how to become more involved, lack of understanding about the role of the parent, exasperation at their child's behaviour, anger at the school for some past mis-communication, etc. Regardless of the perceived commitment of the parent the school has a responsibility to communicate and engage. Proactively engaging support from parents/carers is in your own best interests and in the best interests of the student. The additional benefit is that many parents looking for help and advice on how to manage behaviour in the home may adapt ideas that are being used in the classroom.

Drawing in reluctant parents might take more than just designing events and inviting them in. It will certainly need more than an annual sales pitch. It is vital that communication with parents/carers is regular, positive and gentle. Create triggers that demand a drip feed of personal contact with parents from all teachers. Design a strategy that ensures positive contact at least 3 times a term. Two positive referrals would trigger a phone call home, a good day on report demands a text message, teachers are asked to give at least 5 positive notes home per week, emailed newsletters automatically sent every half term or perhaps a series of tips that parents can sign up to written by teachers '20 Ways to help your child at school'. A series of disruptive lessons always demands contact with home but when contact with parents is always about negative aspects of the child's behaviour or learning, support will ebb away.

If you are going to change classroom practice and school policy regarding behaviour then the parents must be communicated with, consulted and engaged. The more parents can understand what happens in the classroom the more they are likely to engage with their children, the homework, letters from school etc. I often lead parents meetings at schools where we have cajoled the parents of tricky children to explain the training that the teachers have received. The whole evening seems to be focused on the children, the teachers and the classroom. The environment is ‘safe' for parents who look for reasons to stay away. The focus is on what happens in school is a route to send some of the good practice into the home. As I talk about new policy and practice I see parents looking at each other and saying ‘we could do that at home' and ‘maybe we were wrong to ban TV for ever!' I know that the message has been sent safely. I know that it is more likely to be acted upon. Parents who looked anxious at the start of the evening go away with a few more strategies to try.

I have listened to colleagues despairing at the lack of contact from parents. Bemoaning the lack of support and showing frustration at the absence of any consistent approach between home and school. Yet when asked what they have done to build a relationship, the responsibility has always rested with the parent. ‘I write but they don't reply, I invite but they refuse, I call but they don't answer'. I have always taken a more pragmatic approach. If my attempts to communicate and engage the parents don't bear fruit, then I will be proactive. I will take the initiative and yes, knock on the door and introduce myself.

If you want to engage with people who would rather eat glass than even step inside the school you might have to meet them on their on their own terms. You might have to meet them in a safer place, communicate without the protection of the school gates; yes you may even need to visit them at home.

Schools who go the extra mile to persist with disengaged parents know the benefits. They know that the one of the most effective behaviour management tools they can draw is the relationship with the parent. As teachers nurture this bond between home and school wobbly children stop rocking and the whole school starts to stabilise.

Parent Talk

When you meet with parents to discuss a child don't launch straight into the discussion that you really want to have. Often both parent and teacher come to the meeting with some apprehension and frustration that needs to be diffused to allow each to relax and share concerns calmly. It is your responsibility to make sure that the meeting goes well and that there is a positive outcome. Avoid discussion about the weather and obvious ‘small talk'. Instead try asking after the family, talk about their recent house move or older siblings progress at University, show genuine interest and care about their lives and reinforce your role as a caring professional who is working in the best interests of their child. This will put the parent(s) at ease and you may learn something new that informs your work with the student. Try to connect your concerns about the child's behaviour with your care for their learning and ask for advice on ‘what works well at home'. In discussions about behaviour asking for advice and support is more productive than telling parents what you want them to do. Focus on a partnership approach and look for ways of quickly and efficiently connecting rewards and sanctions at school with those at home. Even if they have no immediate solutions it will open up a dialogue and make it clear that you wish to work in partnership.